Nolite te bastardes carborundorum!

My work shift today was pretty damn strange. It began when this gawky, clearly socially inept Indian guy came in thinking he was hired; it turned out he wasn't at all, but he asked me some questions about the job and then asked me if I was single, waited for Hoda and then tried to convince her to let him be a cook in the kitchen even though he has no experience. She acquiesced after a long while of pleading, and so he'll start on Monday. He's a weird one, but hell, if you need a job you need a job.

Once he left the only customer left in the restaurant was a black pastor whom I had not met before. Some lady called to place an order for delivery and the other waitress took the call; less than a minute later she hung up angrily. Apparently the lady had insulted her by saying that she wants to speak to someone who "actually speaks English." The waitress has a slight Hispanic/new York accent and was really infuriated by the comment. The pastor gave us a rather long semi-sermon about why people are so rude to others. At first I was disinclined to take what he said seriously; after all he is a pastor and I am not religious. He obviously has very partisan views. Yet some things that he said resonated with me. He spoke about how people are rude or do bad things to others because someone else had wronged them, and they feel the need to project that negativity onto someone else who may or may not deserve it. He said the only way to prevent this vicious cycle of malice is to resist the urge to pass along the anger, which sounds like a really good way to end up a push-over, but there's still some worth in that I think. How many people that you know project their bad experiences in past relationships onto their new ones? Like cheating for example. If you've been cheated on, are you more likely to cheat on the next person you date? I know a lot of people who would. I also know a few who wouldn't, and they give me a lot of hope and inspiration.

Anyway, then Pastor Art started asking me questions about where I'm from, what I'm studying, etc. I told him I'm an Anthropology major and somehow a discussion about academic success led to a very long discussion about familial obligations, and he learned my family history very quickly. Sometimes I wonder if I disclose too much personal stuff to strangers. But he's a pastor, and was very good at extracting information from me. So he learned my parents are divorced, and I asked him what he thought was the cause of the rising divorce rate. I actually just recently took a class about that sort of thing, so I know the sociological theories behind the rise. Women entering the workforce, working class men earning less money, fewer working class jobs are mostly cited as the causes. Pastor says it's the media. People are tempted by what the images they see on TV and in magazines, he says, and they pursue those images because they think they are better than what they have. So if you see a hot supermodel you'll want him/her more than what you've got. He says (and I believe this to be 100% true regardless of some of the other crazy shit he said) that people tend to gravitate to dominant ideals. If media is what creates dominant ideals, then the media determines what we want. I don't know if the media is entirely responsible, but I think it may play a very large role. Pastor thinks it is entirely responsible for what he calls the "dominant thought." He also said he thinks financial troubles are the other cause of divorce, which I think is much more pertinent. Couples fight when they can't pay the bills.

Another interesting thing we talked about which made me a bit uncomfortable, was what makes men more likely to cheat on their wives. I didn't ask him about this, but he decided I should know for the future. He used the example of a lawyer and his secretary (which I found to be extremely ironic for obvious reasons, Or maybe it's not so obvious to some--who the hell reads this anyway? Reveal yourselves)! Here was his example (with my commentary in bold :P ):

A lawyer notices one morning that his wife did not cook him breakfast. Clearly she's not
paying as much attention to him as she used to. (mmkay wtf?) So he goes to work. His
secretary watches him closely every morning; there's not much else for her to do so she
studies him; she knows what he likes and what he doesn't like. One day he tells her he likes
the color red. So she comes in one day wearing red, and what do you know?! He's
interested. He runs off with the secretary. Now what the wife SHOULD have done, was
never have let the communication slip. She should not have stopped paying attention to
him, and if something was wrong she should have mentioned it. When (you mean if...) he
told her about the flirty secretary she should have told him to tell her he's married. (he has
to be told to tell the secretary this?) The woman should keep an EYE on the husband!
(I wonder what this guy has to say about female infidelity...) That's the bottom
line. She has to take care of him and communication has to be the everlasting foundation of
the relationship.

Okay, women need to be taken care of, too! Sheesh. Now I know a guy's not going to run off because a girl doesn't make him breakfast one morning (though I know that's what triggers my father to do so), so I know this example was kinda ridiculous, but I thought it was interesting anyway. Just for the irony.

So I talked to pastor for about 3 hours, and then had a pretty quick brain switch to the real subject of this entry: achievement. Remember Stephen Hoffman? I wrote about him in the entry right before this one. Here's a similar example (also from National Geo, sorry): About five years ago researchers discovered that the Iceman was murdered. They've been trying to piece together more details about the crime scene, and one researcher found four different types of blood stains on the Iceman's prehistoric garments; he believes that this means there were four men involved in the Iceman's murder. This sounds pretty damn plausible to me. Yet because his work has not yet been published, no body is taking his theory seriously. I feel that way too many serious scientists and researchers out there are being put down because they are not renowned. Some of them don't give a damn; they pursue their goals anyway, regardless of whether they think they'll succeed in the end or not. Yet I know that there are many who are intimidated by bureaucracy and hardheadedness. One of the best parts in the Handmaid's Tale is when Offred discovers a hidden mock-Latin engraving in her dresser when none of the handmaids were supposed to be allowed to read or write: "Nolite te bastardes carborundorum!" which means "Don't let the bastards get you down!" Don't let them stop you from reading and feeling and living, in the case of the handmaids--don't let them stop you from fulfilling your dreams in the case of everyone else who feels people are standing in their way. Because a lot of the time, the people standing in your way are robots following stupid rules, traditionalists--people who think that traditionally a popular name is more dependable than an unknown one, or that only doctors and lawyers make good money, or that if you're an Egyptian guy you can't marry a Lebanese girl. How STUPID are these traditions? Are you going to let some guy who believes in a brainless tradition stand in your way of pursuing your goals? I really hope not. I know I'm certainly not. If you don't believe in me then screw you, unless you've got a valid reason; tradition is NOT a valid reason. Not to mention---how contradictory is believing in tradition anyway?? We don't learn from history and yet we believe in stupid traditions that we carry on....what the fuck's up with that?! Some of the greatest scientists in history were ignored because they were unusual, because their ideas were new and they had no publications, and now we revere them. Yet we STILL continue ignoring those who have great ideas. AGHH!

That was all over the place; forgive me.


I spent some time talking to one of the cooks, Tomás, about education for Mexican immigrants. He's this really nice pudgy cherub-faced guy in his late 30's, and he was lamenting that he had no time or money to go to school here. We spoke in Spanish, so it was great practice for me. That made me really sad, too. Maybe one day if i have enough money I'll set up a non-profit school where older illegal immigrants can take classes...or maybe I'll go to Mexico and set something up there. I bet the administration wouldn't like that, but ya know, don't let the bastards get you down, right? :D

If You're Not Living On the Edge You Take Up Too Much Room

I haven't written here in a while, but tonight I had the greatest urge to. So this will be another long one.

Yesterday I moved into my new apartment in New Brunswick; I have two great roommates whom I hadn't met prior to giving them my first rent check. One is Egyptian and the other is Palestinian. They are both named Mohamed; the Egyptian is 28 and the Palestinian is 25. I'm loving sharing an apartment with them so far--they've been extremely hospitable and they're both really funny and great to talk to. They plan on teaching me Arabic :) I also started my new job last night, at a diner called Nuebies, owned by a Lebanese family. It is by FAR the most laid back job I've ever had; I wear jeans and a t-shirt to work, bring reading material, and talk to personnel and customers throughout my entire shift. I don't make nearly as much money as I had at previous jobs, but I realized tonight that I don't care. Of course I need money desperately, but I enjoy being there so much because it relaxes me. When I'm home my time is mostly occupied by my computer, or by worries and stress and chores, but when I'm at the diner it's just me, my job, my books and magazines, and really nice people. Tonight I read an article about Malaria in the newest National Geographic issue and it was one of the most peaceful reading experiences I've ever had; how strange is that?! Even though it was sometimes interrupted by my waitressing duties, I felt so comfortable there just reading. My manager and a delivery guy asked me what I was reading about and we talked about malaria for a while. Then this guy about my age came in to place an order for pick-up, and we talked for a pretty long while about what we wanted to do with our lives. He's a biotechnology major, and he said he wants to be the guy to make what people consider to be science fiction a reality. I told him about my tentative plans and he seemed really interested, so we talked about immigration for a while. When he left I went back to reading. I can't even relay how relaxing I find this job to be. It gives me so much time to think and just be myself. My manager, Hoda, is the sweetest lady, obviously going through menopause because she sweats like a beast one minute and then says she is freezing the next. But she and I talk about lots of different things, like what she likes to do on the weekends (she just takes the car and drives long distances to get away; since getting her car in December she's put 38,000 miles on her car)! I feel pretty bad for her because during the week she's there for 12 hours a day or more; it's pretty clear that she's exhausted. She often takes naps at the back of the restaurant. She asked me if I could work from 11 am to midnight tomorrow, but I told her I really can't handle that. I feel really sorry for her; she can't find anyone that will work the crazy hours she does. You know, I feel kind of strange saying "I feel sorry for her;" it sounds like an insult these days. People don't like to be pitied, but what do you say?

So now about that National Geographic article, the one about Malaria. It's one of the best written informative articles I've ever read. There was one part in the article in particular that really struck me. There is a man by the name of Stephen Hoffman who owns the only company in the world that is dedicated to the sole purpose of finding a vaccine for Malaria. He's been devoted to the cause for decades, and the author describes him as extremely optimistic about his chances of finding the vaccine, though many other researchers and scientists are becoming doubtful. Creating a working, lasting vaccine for Malaria has been an impossible task to achieve because there are many strains for the disease and parasites quickly develop mutations that resist drugs and vaccines that are developed to fight them. Still, Hoffman believes he will discover it. In fact, he thinks he may have the vaccine. He combined Ruth Nussenzweig's past research with his own and believes that if you expose mosquitoes carrying falciparum parasites to radiation, and then remove their salivary glands which carry the irradicated parasites, you can use these irradicated parasites as a vaccine for Malaria. The vaccine has been tested on mice and has proven to be effective. Hoffman wants to eventually administer this vaccine to all new-borns in Sub-Saharan Africa, for he believes this vaccine could protect 90% of them from Malaria, but administration stands in his way. It would take FIVE YEARS, if at all, for his vaccine to be approved by the FDA and other administration. It seems that with the Sub-Saharan African population becoming infected so quickly, and new-borns fastest of all, we don't have five years to wait for an approval. Of course this is a very delicate issue, and the vaccine must be tested meticulously and these things take time, but I think there may be a bit too much bureaucracy involved in this. But what do I know...

I leafed through the rest of the National Geographic magazine, saving more reading material for tomorrow night's shift, but I found this pretty cool bit that I couldn't resist reading, about this couple that got married on the Mendenhall Glacier in the Tongas of Alaska. How AWESOME is that?! It made me realize that if I get married, that's the kind of wedding I'd want to have. No guests, nothing superfluous, just me and my husband on a glacier or out in the wilderness somewhere. It seems that's what marriage should be about anyway; it's you and your spouse together forever with and against the entire world and all its splendor, danger, troubles, stresses, doubts, contradictions, hilarity, complexity, and simplicity. And I think having a wedding like that, on a glacier somewhere, just encapsulates all of that and makes a wedding all the more symbolic and memorable.

And then I realized, I'm not as pessimistic about marriage as I lead myself and others on to believe. I think inherently I want to have a lifelong partner. Of course the divorce rate, and infidelity, and childbearing/rearing scares the ever-loving shit out of me, but when it comes down to it I want someone whom I can share things with at the latest hour of the night, whom I can wake up next to in the morning and know that they'll be there for me next year, and the year after that, and ten years from now. Friends are great and they enrich your life tremendously, but nothing can guarantee that they'll be around for the next few years; they're not committed or devoted to you, even if they care about you deeply. I want someone whom I can travel with, cook for, share everything with, learn from--all of those ideals. And I don't think they're impossible. I think you just need to keep things fresh and don't fall too quickly into routines, which I think for me is pretty easy 'cause I'm constantly mixing things up (I, myself, am very mixed up). There's a great song called Heavy Weight Champion of the World, and the best line in the whole song is "If you're not living on the edge you take up too much room." Hells yea! And I don't think you need to abandon all traditions to live on the edge; you just need to keep things spicy.